What is Consent?
Consent means to give permission to do something, with a clear understanding of what that entails, and without feeling pressured.
We often talk about consent in the context of sex, but consent applies to so much more. You have the fundamental right to say "no" to anything someone asks you to do. Why? Because your body is yours and not anyone else's!
If someone wants to do something to you (or have you do something to them), your consent is needed at all times. That includes hand holding, hugs, kisses, who you date, what clothes you wear, what food and drinks you consume, and of course any kind of sexual activity. Consent is necessary for anything that involves someone else doing something to you or making you do something. It's necessary the other way around too!
F.R.I.E.S.
FRIES is a popular acronym that describes consent. Consent is freely given, reversible, informed, enthusiastic, and specific.
Freely given: Consent is a choice. It is not pressured, manipulated, or coerced.
Reversible: Consent can be revoked at any time. Someone should always have the option to say "no" even if they've already said "yes." If you don't have the ability to revoke your permission, it is no longer consent.
Informed: All folks involved are fully informed on what they're consenting to. To their knowledge, everyone is aware of any possible risks (such as injury, pregnancy, STI, etc.).
Enthusiastic: Giving consent means it's something you want. It's not something that someone else wants from you. Giving in to pressure or expectation is not consent. Consent should also be clear! If you don't know if someone is consenting to you or not, it is *not* consent. Consent should never be assumed.
Specific: When someone consents to something, they are not consenting to anything extra or beyond what was specified. You should never assume someone is consenting to more than what was already established!
Your sexual rights
According to The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz, everyone has these eight sexual rights:
- The right to develop healthy attitudes about sex.
- The right to sexual privacy.
- The right to protection from bodily invasion and harm.
- The right to say no to sexual behavior.
- The right to control touch and sexual contact.
- The right to stop sexual arousal that feels inappropriate or uncomfortable.
- The right to develop our sexuality according to our sexual preferences and orientation.
- The right to enjoy healthy sexual pleasure and satisfaction.