What Are Paraphilias?

Paraphilias are intense and persistent sexual interests for things that lay outside of what's considered "typical" sex between consenting adult human beings.1 This can include anything from bondage, to spanking, to feet, to abusive acts like rape and beastiality. While some people with paraphilias seek these things out in real life or in porn, it can also mean they only fantasize about it or roleplay it.1

There isn’t a general consensus on what the difference between kinks, fetishes, and paraphilias are. Although, some academics believe that paraphilias involve having a “psychological dependence" on the attraction.2 If you have an occasional or mild interest in non-vanilla sex, it’s probably not a paraphilia! In fact, occasional or mild interests in these things are quite common.2

When discussing paraphilias, you may hear about the "the big three." These are the three most well-known paraphilic attractions for things that would be illegal to act upon in real life. This would be pedophilia (attraction to prepubescent children), zoophilia (attraction to animals), and necrophilia (attraction to dead bodies).

What causes paraphilias?

There's no clear answer! Some researchers theorize that signals in the brain correlating with sexual pleasure end up overlapping with signals correlating to other things.3 Another popular theory is that paraphilias are the result of conditioning; repeated exposure to a stimulus paired with sexual thoughts and behaviors causes the two to become intrisically linked. Many folks with paraphilias have also endured trauma or hardship, especially in childhood, so there are theories that paraphilias can be linked to traumatic experiences too.3

In my opinion, there is likely truth to all of these theories!

What are Paraphilic Disorders?

Paraphilic disorders are a spectrum of mental health conditions. Someone has a paraphilic disorder if their paraphilia causes themself significant distress or impairment, or puts themself or others at risk of harm.1 The goal of treatment is not to "get rid of" the paraphilia, but to help reduce the distress, impairment, and/or risk of harm that it brings.

Paraphilic disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edition, text revision) include:

Common Myths about Paraphilias

Myth #1: People with paraphilias are mentally ill.

Paraphilias are not inherently distressing, impairing, or harmful! Not everyone with a paraphilia has a paraphilic disorder and “a paraphilia by itself does not necessarily justify or require clinical intervention."1

Myth #2: Paraphilias can/can’t be changed.

There is a lot of nuance to this myth that is often lost. People with paraphilias will likely always be aroused by their paraphilia, regardless if they want this or not.2 That being said, sexual interests can naturally shift in intensity and persistence over time.1, 2 It’s entirely possible for a paraphilia to wane until it’s no longer intense/persistent enough to be considered a paraphilia. Furthermore, any distress, impairment, or harmful behaviors associated with a paraphilia can be treated with the right resources and support.2

Myth #3: Sexual violence happens due to paraphilias.

Sexual violence is not about sexual interest. Many sex offenders have zero sexual interest in their victims. For example, the majority of men who sexually abuse other men actually identify as heterosexual.7 Sexual interest can play a part in abuse, but it is never the sole motivator.4, 5, 6, 7 The desire for power and control, as well as having discriminatory beliefs (like transphobia, homophobia, sexism, racism, etc.), are the key motivators of sexual violence, not paraphilias.4, 5, 6, 7

Myth #4: Having a paraphilia means that you condone or romanticize abuse.

People cannot control what arouses them. Arousal is a physiological reaction, not a choice. Paraphilias are not a choice. Someone’s thoughts and feelings will not tell you who they are as a person or the choices they will make. Just because some people have paraphilias involving abuse does not mean they will condone or romanticize real life abuse.

Myth #5: People with paraphilias are just abusers waiting to strike.

Once again, someone’s thoughts and feelings do not indicate who they are as a person or the choices they will make. Abuse is also not mediated by sexual interest. Many perpetrators of sexual abuse have zero sexual interest in their victims.

Although there is not a single agreed upon cause of paraphilias, many researchers theorize that they are influenced by childhood experiences.1, 2 This is why many people with abuse-related paraphilias are abuse survivors, themselves. Please understand that abuse survivors are actually way more likely to be the victims of crimes than to be the perpetrators.8, 9

This is a particularly insidious myth because it misleads people on the actual signs of abuse. It also creates more stigma around an already heavily-stigmatized topic. Many people with paraphilic disorder are afraid to seek help due to the stigma. In cases where someone really is in danger of harming themself or others, myths like this can make them even less likely to seek help that can prevent abuse.

References

  1. American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787
  2. Psychology Today. (2016). Paraphilias | Psychology Today. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/paraphilias
  3. Grimes, A. (2019). The Science of Fetishes [Review of The Science of Fetishes]. Osmosis Magazine, 2019(1). https://scholarship.richmond.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1014&context=osmosis
  4. FACT SHEET: Debunking Popular Misconceptions About Children and Sexual Abuse. (n.d.). Retrieved January 22, 2026, from https://aasas.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Fact-Sheet_Debunking-Popular-Misconceptions-About-Children-_-SA.pdf
  5. FACT SHEET: Debunking Popular Misconceptions About Sexual Violence. (n.d.). Retrieved January 22, 2026, from https://aasas.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Fact-Sheet_Debunking-Popular-Misconceptions-About-SV.pdf
  6. Sullivan, J., & Sheehan, V. (2016). What motivates sexual abusers of children? A qualitative examination of the Spiral of Sexual Abuse. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 30, 76–87. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2016.06.015
  7. FACT SHEET: Debunking Popular Misconceptions About Men and Sexual Violence. (n.d.). https://aasas.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Fact-Sheet_Debunking-Popular-Misconceptions-About-Men-_-SV.pdf
  8. Ogloff, J., & Papalia, N. (n.d.). Child sex abuse survivors are five times more likely to be the victims of sexual assault later in life. The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/child-sex-abuse-survivors-are-five-times-more-likely-to-be-the-victims-of-sexual-assault-later-in-life-142384
  9. O’Grady, C. (2015, March 27). Childhood abuse victims don’t always grow up to be abusers. Ars Technica. https://arstechnica.com/science/2015/03/childhood-abuse-victims-dont-always-grow-up-to-be-abusers/